Note to myself +all of you

每天温习到凌晨才睡觉的习惯，不知不觉已经培养长达九个星期多了。我很坦白的告诉大家，我是真的很压力，偶尔很孤单，常常很挫折。

Just realised that I have been developing the habit to stay awake through the midnight and go to bed in the morning almost 9 weeks. To be honest, I really feel stress and lonely sometimes, even frustrate.

对于我在乎的事情，我显然是完美主意者。我阅读的书不可以有邹折，我买的东西一定要值那个价钱，我的笔记本里所有字体的大小或角度一定要很完美。。。

For those things which I care, I am obviously a demanding person. I always want everything to be the best and perfect in my life. Those books that I am reading should stay flawless, the things that I bought should always worth the price perfectly, the handwriting in my notebooks must be perfect in size, all the time.

但是完美主意者在很多时侯，是很吃亏的。跟Vanessa谈天，她说我就像她的母亲一样，什么事情都要完美。就算在别人眼中已经很完美，我们这种人还是会从中找出毛病，还是有东西好嫌弃。

But you know, being a perfectionist tend to be really hard and tiring. I was talking with my dear friend, Vanessa and based on her, I am exactly like her mom. Asking everything to be perfect. Even people assume that things are perfect, people like us still manage to find problems throughout.

我承认，我是！

I agree and I admin that I am..

我记得在初中时期，我是学校里其中一个颓废的学生。我的历史成绩（最讨厌的）总是红当当！上课特别爱睡，对考试毫不在乎，功课对我来说是负累。是认识米棋淋兄之后，才开始觉悟，改变。

Remember when I was in my secondary school, I was a horrible person. I always manage to fail my history subject, the tendency of sleepiness always appear in the middle of the class, I don't really care about exams or marks, and homework for me is definitely too much. Yet, things started to change during my high school, after I met Mr. Michelin, who is always the person.

像中毒一样，当我成绩还不错的时候，我觉得我还可以更好。更好的时候还可以再好，总觉得99分还是不够。根据Vanessa，我特别严重。

I started to change from a horrible person to a serious girl, no matter with my studies or life. It's just like a kind of addiction, I always want things to be better than better. When I got a good marks, still, not enough. Always think that I should have done better. Even if I got 99 marks, I would still blaming myself for the remain 1 percent. Again, based on Vanessa,  I never feel satisfy.

上了大学，每天的时间都是不够用。常希望奇迹发生，一天可以变36小时！教授常说：新生往往会在大学一开始的时候觉得负担过重，这是正常的。

Since the beginning of my Uni life, I always feel that time is flying and I long for a miracle, which can change to 36 hours a day. Lecturers love to say that: "Junior always feel overwhelmed in the beginning but things will be better as time goes by." But still, I don't like this, rushing all the time, worry for the due date of coursework and bla bla bla...

另外一个问题是我在这里，真的没什么朋友，没有什么支援的条件。尤其今年，我特别感觉到很孤单，真的什么都必须靠自己，一个人。无论是生活琐碎的事情，功课或健康。

Another issue that I am having is that I am certainly lack of friend, who can stand by me, and back up me. This is the typical year, that I can understand the clause "all by myself" fundamentally. Either those little things in my life or studied or health.

我自己都觉得奇怪而且不敢相信。在大学里我竟然找不到朋友，多荒唐啊！可是这是事实。傲慢的我，曾经努力，放低自尊，放软身段，尝试与法律系其他学生交朋友。但是事与愿违啊！他们要嘛比我更傲慢，要嘛是每天不上课，要嘛是不愿意分享的人儿。

Even I feel surprise for myself that I can't find a friend that is more that a "Hi-bye friend". In fact, I have been putting effort, trying to start a topic with my colleague, trying to be nice with'em. But still, it doesn't work that well, I have to say. I just feel that although we are doing the same course, we are definitely the in the different world with different thought. Some of them are more weird than I am, which really amazed me, some of them just absent all the time, or they don't do "sharing" things.

我每天睡前和起床做的事情，就是告诉自己加油，我可以。我不愿意也不可能向这些小事屈服。

Everyday before I sleep or I wake up, I convince myself that, I can do it. I can deal with all these little things and I am gonna survive no matter what. Things will get better sooner or later.

我不会因为自己寂寞就愿意跟懒惰虫或自私鬼靠近，因为它们不够格。我生病了，我自己会去看医生，自己煮粥吃，不再是那个什么都靠佣人的女王。我功课不明白我会自己找教授讨论，坦白表示自己的困处。

For sure, I don't do the fake things or trying to put more effort to those who don't care about me because they don't deserve it. If I am ill, I will seek for doctors or medication, I can make my own meal even I am dying. Not the little princess in the house anymore, who can always open the door and maid will serve me for everything. If I have doubt with my course, I ask help from my lecturers rather than those people who keep everything for their own.

再说，我记得我还有我最知心的家人和朋友陪伴和支持。再说，我家人一年投资无数个“万”在我身上不是要我变回颓废的阿斗，而是培养我成为有贡献的本事女人。

Other than that, I still remember that I have all those sweet friends, those who are near and also those where far apart. And also my whole family. And come on, my family have "invested" those bloody pounds on me, they seek for something to return instead of letting me become a silly weak girl.

很坦白，我一年的学费一万多镑，住宿一年四千多镑，生活费每个礼拜最多两百镑，还有很多零零碎碎的。。

I have to pay ten thousands for my annual school fee, four thousand something for my accommodation, maximum two hundred pounds for weekly spending and others...

所以我说我是吸血鬼。不折不扣的那种。但是我很愿意，把这些钱，还在真正值得的事物上，比如说：买了更坚强的性格，拿到短时间挑战不可能任务的经验，看清身边的冷暖，学着当屹立不倒的小草，当五脏具全的小麻雀，当自己生命的主人！

I certainly understand that all these money is provided to buy myself different kind of lessons and experiences. I pay for developing every single part of me, my experience to deal with every difficulty, to become a stronger J, be the real owner for my own life. 

等我，未来的世界。不用多久，强大的栋梁们即将出现！

Dear future, just wait for a little bit, and you will see someone with the aggregation of strong muscle, strong personality, and success appearing.. very soon

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P.s

这条路是我自己选择的。既然开始了我绝不会考虑退缩，我会勇敢往前走，因为这是我！依然是那个自信爆满的我！

I have made all decisions by myself, to study in UK, to study in Aston, the brilliant Uni. I have started my journey and the only choice I have, is go straight ahead and try my best to be over the top. 

To all my friends or readers, either studying or working, lets do the best we can, together, all the time.

Life is always beautiful, isn't it?

And also, thank you for all my dearest darling Best Friend Forever. You guys are always the best I have! Love you!!

Hugs and Kisses

With Love,

J